Pretending to Get Locked in a Trunk Is Scary!

In Dirty Politics Book 1, “The Politician’s Pawn,” I duct taped my ankles together in order to more realistically portray what Kayla was experiencing.

In Dirty Politics Book 2, “Moves and Countermoves,” I wanted to be waterboarded to better describe what Evans went through. (The friend I asked to help me out in this endeavor declined in no uncertain terms.)

So in Dirty Politics Book 3, “Amateurs Play Elsewhere,” you know I tried to do something equally… ummm… let’s just call it interesting. This time, it was getting locked in the trunk of a car. Which, come on, isn’t as dumb as being waterboarded.

I had it set up perfectly, from start to finish, with every detail taken care of.

First, I asked the same friend who refused to waterboard me. She still wasn’t happy about assisting me, but she agreed on this one. Kind of. She would close the trunk lid most of the way, but not actually latch it. Not even come close to latch it, actually. It would be inches away from clicking shut.

To be perfectly honest, that suited me just fine. The idea of being waterboarded hadn’t terrified me. But locked in a trunk?

My stomach twisted and turned at just the thought.

So one beautiful, sunny, spring day, we took my car out to a deserted parking lot and popped the back of my white Subaru Impreza.

I unlocked all the doors, rolled down all my windows and tested the key in the trunk lock to be on the absolute safest side possible. And then I lifted one foot onto the bumper, my heartrate accelerating noticeably.

I’m pretty short. Five-foot two and a half inches, to be precise, whereas my main character in “Amateurs Play Elsewhere” is six-foot. So while it was awkward for me to arrange myself into a prone position on the trunk floor, I’m sure it would be a whole lot more so for someone taller.

The sunshiny sky above me was gorgeous. And the thought of not being able to see more of it made me panicky, a condition that didn’t get any better when my friend started closing the trunk.

Here’s the thing… I knew she wasn’t going to shut it. I also knew that, if she did, she’d be able to let me out right away. I trust her about as much as I trust anyone out there. Yet I was nothing short of terrified watching that thing close. Both of my hands shot up, and I’m pretty sure I shouted out, “That’s enough!”

So lesson learned in all of this?

Getting locked in a trunk is terrifying. Good to know.

Nobody Would Waterboard Me

Sooo… for one of my stories – totally not “Moves and Countermoves” – I have a scene where two of my characters get waterboarded.

To a large degree, I had already unwittingly done my research on the subject. I mean, I’d read all those reports about Guantanamo Bay. I’d watched G.I. Jane. Really, I was practically an expert.

But practically isn’t the same thing as actually, and I wanted to actually know what I was writing about. So I asked a friend of mine to waterboard me.

And she said no.

In my mind, that was really rude and hurtful. When I expressed my disappointment to certain family members about this, instead of agreeing that it was such a shame she couldn’t be more considerate, they freaked out on me.

I explained my completely sound rationale: that it would be a controlled environment, that trained CIA operatives only lasted an average of 14 seconds and so I’d probably last all of three, and that there was absolutely no chance of me drowning or dying in the process. Yet they still said I was crazy.

I swear, some people are so narrow-minded. They just don’t understand what you have to do sometimes to accomplish true art.

With those hindrances firmly set, I had to do my research the old-fashioned way: on YouTube, which admittedly had some fascinating and ultimately useful information. One conservative talk-show host I’d never heard of before lasted five seconds and said it was without a doubt torture.

Which makes sense. If it looks like torture and feels like torture, it probably is torture. Even if it doesn’t leave a mark. And it’s kinda condescending to say otherwise.

Now whether it’s appropriate to use on hardened terrorists to save thousands of innocent lives? I’ll leave that discussion for a different time and a different blog.

What I will say is that, after doing all my research on the subject, I get very annoyed when  Hollywood tries to portray it (including on Burn Notice and The Blacklist, two shows I normally love).

From everything I’ve seen? You don’t undergo that and then hop off the torture table ready to take on the world again.

Though, of course, I wouldn’t know for sure. Because nobody would waterboard me.