If Hollywood Ever Turned My Dirty Politics Series Into Movies, Here’s My Cast…

I would never want my novels turned into movies. I don’t care how much money I got, I’m way too much of a control freak to let some idiot scriptwriter ply his trade on my beloved books.

Let’s face it: Scriptwriters KILL novels more often than not. Here’s a short list of works they've butchered:

•  “The Other Boleyn Girl” book by Philippa Gregory was awesome. “The Other Boleyn Girl” movie? Horrid.
• “The Lightning Thief” by Rick Riordan was awesome. “The Lightning Thief” movie? Horrid.
• The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher was awesome. The Dresden Files TV show? Horrid.
• “Fifty Shades of Grey” by E.L. James? Horrid. Oh wait… Bad example. I think the scriptwriters actually made it better.

So no, I really don’t want any of my books turned into movies. But if they were, here’s how I would cast my Dirty Politics series characters...

• Kayla – Jennifer Lawrence – She’s one of the few Hollywood hotties who actually has a figure. And because, let’s face it… She’d rock the role.

• Evans – Greg Finley – Just look at that man! Sigh. Swoon. Yes please.

• Rod – Colton Haynes – If you’ve ever seen “Arrow,” then you know he can play a tool just as well as the brooding bad-guy-turned-good-guy. Seriously, he’s perfect for this role.

• Lucy – Blake Lively – They’ve got the right body build, but there’s something about her that makes me think she’s a shoe-in. Call it a je ne sais quoi, but I’d book her in a sec.

• Greyble – Alec Baldwin – Maybe he’s a bit too old for the part, but he does make a smashing bad guy, both on and off the big screen.

• Sarah – Kate Beckinsdale – She’s so beautiful and talented. I mean, why not want her somewhere in my movies? I could totally see her being Evans’ “leggy goddess.”

• Cory – Jesse Usher – I don’t know what his acting is like, but he is just so cute to look at. Does that make me a cougar?

• Rachel – Ellie Kemper – She’s too thin for the part, but she’s still got that girl-next-door thing going on that fits the best-friend role.

• Talia – Scarlett Johansson – The girl can rock dark hair. And an attitude – exactly what every high class hooker with a thing for ex-Navy SEALs needs.

• Wisset – Adam Levine – I know he’s not an actor, but I bet he could play an awesome bad guy, and I swear he looks exactly like I picture Wisset to, just without the tattoos.

And there you have it! The cast of “The Politician’s Pawn,” “Moves and Countermoves” and “Amateurs Need Not Apply.”

I know I left out Audrey, but there are very few short girls featured in Hollywood right now, so the closest I can come up with for her is Emma Stone, who I love… but I don’t think quite fits. Who knows though.