Unless You’re a Robot, Don’t Do This

I started reading a book yesterday. I also finished reading it yesterday.

It wasn’t because I was transfixed. I put it down after five pages because I was bored.

I picked it up because I was in the mood for a thriller, because the title caught my attention and the description seemed compelling. It’s by a fairly famous author who I’d heard about before but never actually read.

If you’re into the thriller scene, I’m sure you’d recognize his name if I wrote it here.

I’d say he doesn’t deserve such recognition, but I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that, maybe, the novel I bought was an off-book for him. Maybe he’s normally just as thrilling as his reputation says he is, and this was an anomaly.

Problem is, even if that is true, I won’t ever be picking up another one of his stories again based on this one example. That’s what happens when an author employs:

·         Stilted sentence structure

·         Clipped conversation

·         Too many “main” protagonists

·         Over-detailed descriptions

·         Gratuitous explanations of obvious world issues, like readers are idiots who live in caves

·         Not a single contraction!!!!

Here’s the thing about that last point… People don’t think or speak in picture-perfect grammatical sentences. They slur their words together with contractions.

When you’re chatting with a friend, you don’t say, “I am sorry I was not able to go to your party last night.” Or if you’re discussing a project with your boss, you don’t explain, “I am sure this will not work unless we assign Casey to it.”

You don’t talk like that because that’s how robots talk, and you’re (hopefully) not a robot. So you instead say, “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to go to your party last night” or “I’m sure this won’t work unless we assign Casey to it.”

As fact goes, so should fiction. So the same applies to character creation. Unless they’re robots – or readers are supposed to roll their eyes and toss the book aside after five pages – the personalities depicted in novels should use contractions when they’re speaking. And so should the writer.

Trust me: It’s just the right thing to do.

Switching From Fantasy to Thrillers – Why Do I Write Across Genres?

I might be working on Faerietales 4, but I’m done publishing fantasy fiction for the year. I’m now switching over to the world of thrillers. Political thrillers, to be precise.

Which means that as of the 24th of May, I will have published Christian fiction, historical fiction, fantasy and modern fiction.

All I need to do is add in some mystery, chick-lit, young adult and sci-fi, and maybe the next “Fifty Shades of Grey,” and I’ll be a mini Barnes & Noble.

Just kidding about “Fifty Shades of Grey.” I have soooooo much more dignity than that. Not to mention talent.

I also don’t have plans to plot out mysteries, not because I don’t like them but because I’m not sure if I have the right type of mind to write that way. More power to those authors who do though.

But other than those two genres, I’m open to whatever the muse strikes me with. And since my particular muse likes to strike me with a whole lot of randomness, that means, in some ways, she’s a lousy one to have.

You see, most authors make a living for themselves by building up an audience. And how do you build up an audience? You appeal to the same people over and over and over again so that they keep buying up each new book that you debut.

Most people do have a particular genre they consistently turn to. Hence the reason why fantasy writers stick to writing fantasy.

Christian fiction writers don’t write anything but Christian fiction.

Historical fiction writers and thriller writers? Yeah… It’s usually the same thing.

My muse, however, apparently isn’t a capitalist. Or maybe she is, but just isn’t the brightest entrepreneurial spirit in the box.

Go figure I’d get a flighty one.

With that said, I cannot wait to tell you more about Dirty Politics 1: “The Politician’s Pawn” next month.

Because as inconsistent as my muse is, she sure can come up with one heck of a story line…