Nobody Would Waterboard Me

Sooo… for one of my stories – totally not “Moves and Countermoves” – I have a scene where two of my characters get waterboarded.

To a large degree, I had already unwittingly done my research on the subject. I mean, I’d read all those reports about Guantanamo Bay. I’d watched G.I. Jane. Really, I was practically an expert.

But practically isn’t the same thing as actually, and I wanted to actually know what I was writing about. So I asked a friend of mine to waterboard me.

And she said no.

In my mind, that was really rude and hurtful. When I expressed my disappointment to certain family members about this, instead of agreeing that it was such a shame she couldn’t be more considerate, they freaked out on me.

I explained my completely sound rationale: that it would be a controlled environment, that trained CIA operatives only lasted an average of 14 seconds and so I’d probably last all of three, and that there was absolutely no chance of me drowning or dying in the process. Yet they still said I was crazy.

I swear, some people are so narrow-minded. They just don’t understand what you have to do sometimes to accomplish true art.

With those hindrances firmly set, I had to do my research the old-fashioned way: on YouTube, which admittedly had some fascinating and ultimately useful information. One conservative talk-show host I’d never heard of before lasted five seconds and said it was without a doubt torture.

Which makes sense. If it looks like torture and feels like torture, it probably is torture. Even if it doesn’t leave a mark. And it’s kinda condescending to say otherwise.

Now whether it’s appropriate to use on hardened terrorists to save thousands of innocent lives? I’ll leave that discussion for a different time and a different blog.

What I will say is that, after doing all my research on the subject, I get very annoyed when  Hollywood tries to portray it (including on Burn Notice and The Blacklist, two shows I normally love).

From everything I’ve seen? You don’t undergo that and then hop off the torture table ready to take on the world again.

Though, of course, I wouldn’t know for sure. Because nobody would waterboard me.