So…
I leave Sabrina hanging high and dry at the end of “Not So Human,” which was
really jerky of me.
Remember
though:
·
Authors
are jerks.
·
I’m
an author.
·
Therefore
I’m a jerk.
I’m
not nearly as much of a jerk as I could be however. A dear friend of mine, for
example, spent much of last week reading through a book, only to find out that
it ended on a cliffhanger and didn’t have a sequel. Nor is it likely to in the
future, since it was written back in 2006 and the author has published plenty
more since then.
Now
that’s just cruel!
I’m
not that mean. And I do believe in happy endings, hence the reason why I kept
writing sequels to get Sabrina into a better place. “To Err Is Faerie” was
originally intended to solve all of her problems.
Admittedly,
it doesn’t nearly as much as I intended it to. But that’s why I wrote a third book! (See, I do care.)
So
yes, our winged heroine has to go through some rough stuff to get to her happily
ever after. Because I’m a jerk. And because, let’s face it, so are readers.
Nobody’s going to read a story about a stress-free life.
In
other words, pipe down and keep reading. ;-)
CHAPTER 1
abrina lay in
her massive royal bed, exhausted but unable to sleep.
It
should have been such an easy task to accomplish, considering the soft perfection
of her expensive, yellow comforter and matching sheets. They were a few of the
luxurious perks that came with being a faerie princess. So were unlimited
wardrobe choices, five-star cuisine, and servants at her beck and call. If she
chose to utilize any of them, that was.
For
the most part, she didn’t. None of it appealed to her, and she wasn’t sure if
it ever would. Not when one of her friends was in the hands of a brutal,
faerie-hating organization, probably undergoing horrific experiments even then.
Having firsthand knowledge of all the many ways Dallas could be suffering right
then – including psychological torture, electric shock or worse – wasn’t
conducive to getting any real rest. Which was why she hadn’t gotten a
worthwhile night’s sleep for two whole weeks.
It
felt far longer than that.
Sabrina
tossed onto her left side to curl her body into a fetal position. When that
proved futile, she stretched her legs out and then drew them back in a bit,
only to roll onto her back again within the space of another minute.
It
was depressing how sluggishly the night progressed when one wasn’t getting any
actual sleep. She’d become intimately acquainted with the way it could tempt
and tease but never deliver the blissful oblivion she craved so much. It was downright
cruel, like making a starving person stand in front of a bakery window.
Cruel
and exhausting. She was so tired on a physical, mental and emotional level: so
pretty much every way possible.
Not
that she’d cried. Sabrina hadn’t done that since the Human Preservation and
Advancement Committee had landed her in the hospital. That was the same day it
had dragged Dallas off in front of her while she, left broken and helpless, did
nothing to stop them. The HPAC didn’t deserve her tears, she’d decided then;
just her hatred and vengeance. If it was the very last thing she did, she was
going to get them back. For everything.
The
group’s list of crimes was so well-established in her head that it was almost a
tangible document. At the top was her parents’ murder when she was an infant.
That had been what set up everything else to go wrong in her life. It was the
reason why her older brother, then a mere week or two into his premature reign
as faerie king of Scotland, listened to his counselors and sent her into
hiding. Her new identity as an American human was supposed to be for her own
safety while the royal advisors determined exactly how badly Faeriedom had been
compromised. Yet their decision to keep her in the dark had ended up making her
very vulnerable.
The
HPAC had found her dating profile online and started researching her. Once it
determined she was who she was, the organization tried recruiting her
boyfriend, Alex, alarming him enough that he broke up with her without a word
of explanation. That set the maniacal group back a few months, at which time it
tried a Plan B, which was to set her up with one of its operatives. And when
that failed just as miserably, the HPAC moved on to chasing her out of
Pennsylvania, following her down to Florida and coming close to drowning her in
a Hyatt hot tub.
Sabrina
might have been able to move past that level of trauma with just a few lasting
side effects, but things got worse from there. Though she’d ultimately made it
to Scotland and on into her brother’s court, her human tormentors got to her
along the way. Using the slightly less squeamish but still clueless Alex,
they’d kidnapped her and treated her like a lab rat, taking blood and running
tests without a shred of humanity. She was still suffering post-traumatic stress
from everything that had happened there, including the violence she’d resorted
to herself, snapping one of her captor’s arms like a piece of matchwood.
Then
there were Jon’s death and Dallas’ kidnapping. She didn’t know which one she
felt more responsible for. Jon, after all, had been her bodyguard. He’d died in
the line of duty, protecting her from the HPAC. So the high-speed car crash
that ended his life could be placed firmly on her winged shoulders. If she
hadn’t been around to protect, he would still be alive.
As
for Dallas, he wasn’t part of her assigned security task. He’d offered to help
out, demanded to and even kind of lied about it in the beginning. Looking at it
that way, a rational individual might determine that it was his own dumb fault
he’d been captured. The problem was that he had done it to protect her. Which
meant that his fate was her responsibility too.
Sabrina
tossed in her royal sheets again, opening her eyes for a bleary second to look
at her silver alarm clock. At first glance, it looked like an antique, with two
large metal caps on top to conceal supposed bells. But despite its vintage
look, the device had all the high-tech abilities a princess could wish for.
Except the means of turning back time.
Seeing
how very early it was, Sabrina let out a little moan of discontent, then closed
her eyes tightly like she could force herself to fall asleep. It didn’t work
any better than she thought it would. Her mind remained exactly where it
usually did.
Her
brother’s court hadn’t gotten any real leads as to where Dallas was being kept.
Neither had the human authorities. Regardless of whether anyone wanted to admit
it or not, nobody so much as knew whether he was alive. Based on her own
experiences, Sabrina was pretty positive that he was.
She’d
heard over and over again that the HPAC was most interested in faerie
annihilation. But if they treated him like they had her, then she thought
chances were high that they were busy running sick experiments on him too. And
they would continue doing so for as long as possible; two weeks wasn’t anywhere
near enough to exhaust the possibilities.
A
shiver of revulsion and leftover terror ran down her back. She’d been in HPAC
clutches for a few days. That was it. What anything longer than that would do,
she could only imagine.
Her
own memories were still fresh enough that it was impossible to even try to keep
them at bay. Her various handlers had been so very meticulous, so practical and
methodical, treating her with demented care. They’d wanted to use her to
further their knowledge of the faerie race, but they’d also wanted to keep her
in mint condition for as long as they possibly could. But she was sure, had
they managed to keep her long enough, they would have started more invasive
procedures.
White
walls, perfect imitations of the HPAC facility she’d been kept at, thudded into
place in her mind. She could practically see the blank, sterile room they’d
kept her in, prompting a set of horrible questions she’d asked herself too many
times over already. Like how far they’d managed to progress with Dallas. Or
whether they were now figuring out any anatomical differences between faerie
and human insides. She had no clue if there were any, but she was sure the mad
scientists there were eager to learn.
Sabrina
had an atrocious picture of Dallas lying on an operating table with his body
cut open like a medieval torture victim.
With
that in mind, she completely gave up on the idea of sleeping and swung her legs
over the side of her bed. There was no way she could lie there another minute
with just her waking nightmares to keep her company. If she couldn’t rest away
thoughts of Dallas alone and in agony, she’d have to resort to something else.
Reaching
under her four-post bed for her main source of distraction, she pulled out her
laptop and flipped it open, making sure to face Deanda so that the bright light
of the screen wouldn’t disturb her. The computer had been a gift from her
brother when she first arrived in Faeriedom. Sitting on her bed with a big green
bow when she’d first opened the door to her new suite, it had come with a
signed card welcoming her to the palace. With it had been an appropriately
sized smartphone and tablet, both the latest in faerie technology as well,
which meant they were several steps ahead of anything Sabrina had seen in the
human world.
Yet
she hadn’t touched the tablet once. Not when her HPAC handlers had used their
own models to record their findings, their greedy fingers tapping at the screen.
She
assumed Kenneth had meant to give the high-tech presents to her in person. But
since his schedule was filled with what seemed like unending meetings, many of
which were focused around finding Dallas, she hadn’t seen much of either him or
his wife Kyla since size-changing and coming “downstairs,” as they called their
underground living space.
For
that matter, she hadn’t seen much of him since Dallas’ kidnapping at all. He’d
come to see her that first day, after she’d been discharged from the hospital.
And she knew he was genuinely relieved she’d escaped physically unscathed other
than some cuts, bumps and bruises. Yet Sabrina couldn’t help but wonder whether
some part of him blamed some part of her for the whole situation.
Not
liking the direction of her thoughts any more than she had before, she cast
several nervous glances over at Deanda to make sure she was still sleeping. The
laptop’s glow cast shadows on the other bed in the room. Like her own, the
four-post piece of furniture was enormous, though the room itself remained
spacious. Sabrina had insisted they stay together after Deanda had recovered
from the accident, grown her wings and redeveloped the ability to fit into the
smaller confines of Faeriedom.
She
had missed her best friend incredibly for their week of separation, since
Kenneth had insisted she come down as soon as she could fit. And now that the
young women were together again, codependency seemed to suit them both as much
as anything else could.
They’d
offered the same sleeping set-up to Dallas’ younger sister Lauren, but she had
declined. Apparently being alone didn’t terrify her. She might even want to be
by herself so she could cry whenever she wanted to.
Sabrina
was actually fairly certain that last explanation was closer to the truth.
Thinking
about that made her feel more guilty than she already had been for checking her
email. But she did it anyway, her fingers flying across the keyboard to enter
her username and password.
Alex
had been trying to convince her of his innocence ever since Kenneth and Kyla
had him locked away on suspicion of collaborating with the HPAC in the latest
attack. It wasn’t an altogether unbelievable accusation considering his
previous affiliation with the wretches.
For
her part, however, she didn’t want to hate Alex. She still wanted to believe
the mistakes he’d made had been out of ignorance instead of malice or repeated
and willful stupidity. There were plenty of logical reasons to have that
opinion too.
Not
that she couldn’t see the other side of the coin. For anyone who didn’t know
Alex, who hadn’t seen him drag her out of the HPAC facility to ultimate safety,
the facts were rather ambiguous. Sabrina wasn’t so far gone she couldn’t see
that. Nor did she blame everyone else for their negative feelings about him.
Some of her fellow faeries did a better job keeping those thoughts in their
heads, but she knew they all disliked him with varying levels of intensity
regardless.
One
of the ones who held the strongest grudges had to be Lauren, who had gone into
a hysterical screaming fit when she first got the news of her brother’s
abduction. Sabrina had to rely on secondhand accounts about that, since the
younger girl had been in Faeriedom at the time and Sabrina aboveground. But she
didn’t doubt the details considering how Lauren had barricaded herself in her
room ever since. Nobody ever saw her anymore except for the nurse and maids
that Kyla sent in to check on her throughout the day.
Sabrina
had tried to visit the pint-sized pixie as soon as she was able to size-change.
But when she arrived, Lauren hadn’t said very much. She didn’t have to when her
thoughts were so obvious. She was distraught and looking to blame whomever she
thought she could.
While
Sabrina had managed to escape the list, Alex most assuredly had not.
Then
there was Alistair, her grown-up nephew and Dallas’ best friend. Overall, he
had kept his mouth shut on the subject, too much the diplomat to tell her to
her face that he despised her ex, especially when it was painfully obvious that
she still had feelings for Alex. Alistair was a good man, so he wouldn’t do
anything to intentionally hurt her, despite his own personal biases.
Her
brother, however, had been a whole lot more vocal than the crown prince.
Sabrina knew he meant well; that he – like everyone else – was worried sick
about Dallas. Moreover, she understood how he didn’t want her to fall prey to
yet another catastrophe, whether physical or emotional. But when she’d dared to
mention Alex’s situation, his subsequent lecture and overall attitude hadn’t
gone over well.
The
truth was that Kenneth didn’t need to point out how dangerous it was to align
herself with Alex. The stupid boy had already proven that beyond a shadow of a
doubt. Regardless of whether he’d set out to do bad things or not, he had still
horribly messed everything up.
Yet
there she was, checking to see if he had emailed her anyway. And there she was,
feeling a painful twinge of some softer emotion when she saw his name in her
inbox.
Brushing
a stray lock of bright yellow hair out of her face, she opened the message up
despite her better judgment. It was written in the manly melodramatic fashion
she knew to expect from him during serious moments.
Her
green eyes rushed over it, not skimming per se, more like devouring. His words
weren’t anything new though, merely repeated apologies and declarations of
innocence in the whole Dallas debacle.
Sabrina
sighed in supreme unhappiness. His writing was so painfully earnest, like a
very solemn third-grader. It was difficult not to read it without some measure
of sympathy. At the same time, it was even more difficult to respond. There was
too much to say and no way for her to say it in mere black and white. Even if
she spoke the necessary words right at him, in person, it seemed doubtful that
the English language could express all the emotions she felt about what had
happened between the two of them.
That
included the passionate and practically desperate kisses she and Alex had
shared back in her HPAC cell. She missed tasting like him. She’d always liked
his particular flavor and how it lingered in her mouth well after they were
done making out.
He
was a stupid boy, she decided for the umpteenth time. Yet that didn’t seem to
make her stop thinking about all the qualities she had always admired in him,
like his honesty, which was funny in an altogether non-amusing way considering
how unreliable he had turned out to be. But when he wasn’t being standoffish,
he was sweet and attentive in a way that made her feel special and sexy and
sexual.
She
hated him that he still had that effect on her. Given half the chance, she
would jump him again. She was depressingly sure of it.
Sabrina
toyed with the touchpad on her laptop, her pointer finger making pointless
loops around it. While she watched the little white arrow complete the same
meaningless circuit on her screen, she contemplated the idea of replying but
pushed the idea away after a minute or two.
She
was already dangerous enough to the people she cared about without getting Alex
involved. The last thing she needed was to go borrowing more trouble than she
already inadvertently had. Besides, whatever she wrote was going to be screened
by Geoffrey, the head of her brother’s Intelligence network, or someone under
him. That department was monitoring Alex’s internet usage, a freedom they
granted for the sole reason of seeing if they could trap him into giving
anything away.
Sabrina
turned the computer off and slid it back under her bed, then slipped her legs
over the side to push her feet into the fuzzy yellow slippers she’d left on the
floor not too many hours ago. The matching bathrobe was already draped loosely
around her waist from all the tossing and turning she’d done throughout the
night, and she secured it into place, stretching her green and yellow wings
more precisely into the tailor-slashed holes in the back.
Almost
as an afterthought, Sabrina grabbed up a hair twisty too, pulling her blonde
hair back into a sloppy ponytail. She didn’t care how she looked. Even if she
wasn’t so downcast, there was no good reason to fuss over her appearance when
nobody would be around except her two bodyguards on duty, James and Jack. And
if they expected her to look good at this hour of the morning, they were
completely out of their minds and needed to be relieved of their duties.
With
a last glance over at Deanda, Sabrina opened her unstained oak door to peer
out.
Both
men immediately stiffened to attention. In her opinion, they shouldn’t have to.
It wasn’t like she was the type of princess to tattle if they didn’t mind their
Ps and Qs. Yet she already knew telling them that wouldn’t make any difference,
which is why she didn’t bother.
A
concerned Scottish brogue greeted her when she went so far as to step out of
the room. “Is everything alright, Princess?”
It
was James, hands-down the more serious of the two, who asked the question.
Technically, she’d noticed that both of them were pretty staid, but she had
seen Jack smile once or twice, whereas James almost always just looked
professional. She assured them that everything was fine, but their overly grave
expressions made her think about Jon, who would have managed to show some sign
of boyish charm while on duty.
It
wasn’t that she missed him. She hadn’t known him long enough to consider him an
integral part of her life. But that didn’t mean she didn’t think about him now
that he was gone. She thought about him a lot.
Guilt
apparently had that effect.
Craving
a distraction from such morbid thoughts, she found herself lounging against the
solid, cream wall in a clear indication that she wasn’t going anywhere. Her
wings cushioned her head, a pleasant enough sensation, though she knew from
experience that they’d fall asleep if kept like that for too long. They were
every bit as much a part of her as her legs or arms or nose, and therefore had
very similar nerve endings.
“So
how do you do it, guys?” Sabrina asked, looking back and forth between the two
men.
She
was thankful that all of her guards’ names were now filed away in her memory,
along with their faces. Jack was the slightly shorter, stockier of the two,
while James was the one with the copper hair and bright blue eyes.
Jack
cocked an almost non-existent eyebrow at her. It and its twin were such a fine
shade of blonde that they were often invisible against his ruddy Scottish skin.
“Do
what?”
“Stay
awake this early in the morning,” she explained. “Aren’t you ready to pass
out?”
He
chuckled. “I sleep most of the day away, same as one of Dracula’s bats. That’s
how.”
She
gave him a tired grin, not because his analogy was all that funny but because
his laugh was nice to hear. Maybe he wasn’t as uptight as she’d originally
assumed. Maybe she just hadn’t had any time to see the other side of him
before.
His
partner, however, remained stoic. It was as if he thought something was going
to happen so deep inside Faeriedom, within the protective confines of the king
and queen’s palace.
“I
wouldn’t mind being one of them if it meant I could nap during the day.”
“You
not sleeping well?” Jack asked sympathetically, despite the obvious answer.
“What
was your first clue?” But she kept all the bite out of her voice when she said
it.
He
pressed on awkwardly in his deep baritone, which managed to make him seem all
that much more out of his depth in the moment. “Bad dreams?”
She
shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. A random chill went down
her back. “That would mean I wasn’t awake.”
Since
being awake was a bad dream with a strong dose of fatigue added, Sabrina almost
thought she’d prefer an actual nightmare. It was a rather twisted way of
looking at it, but just thinking about the possibility made her eyes close, her
head tilt back against the wall, and her lips part the slightest bit in
longing.
She
wanted to sleep so badly. Really sleep; not fade in and out on all night long.
With
that option unavailable, however, she wanted to talk. “So this shift wasn’t a
punishment of some sort? You wanted it?”
James
snorted at her skepticism, the first expression of individuality she’d ever
seen him make.
Jack
just smiled. “I worked night shift at a maximum security prison for a while, so
doing it again isn’t that big a deal.”
His
response intrigued her enough to listen for the sake of listening instead of as
mere distraction. “Prison?” She asked, cocking her head to the side and raising
her eyebrows in clear curiosity.
Sabrina
already knew that faeries shared many of the same careers as humans: She had
met one lawyer so far, and her cousin Aileen was a doctor. Then there were the
engineers and artists and interior designers evidenced by the palace’s very
existence. But for some reason, she hadn’t given much thought to faerie
criminals. Perhaps she’d assumed they were too busy avoiding the HPAC to get
into additional trouble.
She
definitely felt that way, and voiced the thought as a question. If it was as
dumb as she thought it probably was, she could blame her lack of smarts on the
very early hour of the morning.
Jack
didn’t seem to think it inane. At least he didn’t show it in his expression or
tone. If anything, he seemed to take it too seriously, like educating her was
some sort of very important task.
“The
vast majority of faeries never see any of those buggers. We tend to stay down
here where it’s safe and boring.”
“Boring
is a good thing,” she agreed glumly.
He
glanced at his partner, who had gone right back to wearing the best poker face
ever. “It’s mainly the newer generations that go up nowadays,” he explained.
“Even just a few centuries back, we had homes above and belowground. But
between our complicated history with humans and then the HPAC formally banding
together, most faeries decided they were done with the outside world
altogether.”
Sabrina
had already heard all of that from Deanda, but she’d much rather let Jack talk
away and spare her the effort. So she didn’t interrupt his little history
lesson.
He
shrugged off his next statement before he even made it. “There were some who
chose to stay above, but they were few and far between. And you still won’t
find too many of us upstairs with the humans, at least not in Scotland or the
rest of the United Kingdom. Not with the HPAC everywhere. Different elsewhere
though, where the risk is a lot lower. I imagine humans out in those places
would be surprised to find out how many faeries they interact with during their
lifetimes.”
Afraid
that the conversation might be over, Sabrina pressed for more. “How about you?
Ever been up there before I came along?”
He
shook his head. “Nae. I’m content being down here. Like you said, boring is a
good thing. Not that the chances of getting caught by the HPAC are all that
great, but it could still happen. And that’s not something I want to risk
anytime soon.”
Sabrina
recognized the blunder right away, though she would have let it slide if it was
up to her. It wasn’t though, since Jack picked up on it an instant later, his
expression taking several dramatic turns in the process.
“I
mean,” he tried to right the situation, “obviously you know that since it
happened to you but… I mean… erm…”
Taking
pity on him, she shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. I know what you meant.”
He
didn’t look convinced though, his aura filled with self-flagellation and his
wings drooping to a noticeable degree. “I’m really sorry.”
“Seriously,”
she assured. “Don’t worry about it. You saying it or not saying it doesn’t make
a difference one way or the other.”
“Sometimes
I talk without thinking,” he explained. “I think I actually do it a lot.”
She
had to laugh at that, at least a little. It was hard not to react to his
mournful brown eyes and downcast expression. Combined, they made a rather
melodramatic picture.
“I
think everyone does that.”
“Some
more than others.”
“Or
maybe you’re just particularly bad,” she admitted.
That
got him to grin back, and Sabrina seized the chance to switch the subject. “So
what kind of prisoners did you oversee, Warden Jack?”
It
was a little cheesy the way it came out, but she doubted he was going to
criticize her all that much with his own faux-pas still clouding his
perception. Besides, he seemed to have the personality that would say that kind
of thing anyway.
“The
cream of the crop,” he informed her, his face straight as anything.
“Misunderstood souls, every one of them. Put there by bad forces and mistaken
identities and taking the rap for their pals.”
She
was pretty sure he was being sarcastic, but she had to ask anyway just to be
sure. “For real?”
He
grinned, all traces of gravity lost. “Naw, I’m just having a go at you. That’s
only what they would tell me.”
Being
a sarcastic individual by nature, Sabrina played along. It was almost soothing
to fall into old patterns, pretending that life hadn’t been turned upside down
and shaken over and over and over again.
“And
here I thought artists only suffered needlessly up in the human world.”
“Nope,”
he informed her cheerfully. “Definitely here too.”
James
still hadn’t said anything past that one question, but Sabrina saw him glance
down at the large black watch he wore on his left wrist. It was doubtful that
he did it to be rude, but it nonetheless made her wonder if he was getting
tired of the conversation, despite looking as impassive as ever. Even his wings
didn’t shift in the slightest to give an indication about what was going on
inside his head.
Faeries
spoke just as much with their wings as with the rest of their bodies. The
biological additions weren’t there just for practical purposes such as flying
away from danger. They were also for feeling and comforting and emoting. When
it came down to it, they were quite animated things, as Sabrina was learning
since getting a pair of her own.
Except,
it appeared, when it came to James.
Not
knowing one way or the other left her hesitant to continue chatting. She didn’t
want to destroy her best chance of distraction because she was overreacting.
And she couldn’t recall a time when the solemn bodyguard had ever struck her as
insensitive, like his action rather implied. But still, paranoia was setting
in, so she pushed herself off of the wall.
Sabrina
started to fake an excuse of a yawn that ended up turning into a real one in no
time at all. “I think I’m going to get a book from the library and stop
bothering you guys,” she professed.
She
had no actual intention of reading said book. Not when fiction had a vivid way
of reminding her how horrible real life could be. It was merely one more excuse
to stay away from her sleepless bed.
The
two men fell into step behind her like she knew they would. Right then, she
didn’t mind their presence considering the relatively short trip she intended
to make. But sometimes she did find it rather tiresome to have someone
constantly watching her. It had been less than a month since she started living
the life of a faerie princess, yet she was already used to her bodyguards’
presence. She’d even admit that, after everything that happened, she would
probably be a nervous wreck if they weren’t around. Even so, there were the
occasions when she just wanted a few moments alone to do as she saw fit without
having to consider the presence of two to four other people.
Sabrina
made her way down the lightly shaded, high-arched hallways to the library. The
palace had enough rooms to confuse even the savviest newcomer, but she could at
least navigate her way to the main dining areas, the library and her brother’s
office without assistance. It helped that the latter two were down the same
wing.
That’s
why she saw that Kenneth’s light was on. And that’s how she came to knock on
his door at such a ridiculous hour of the morning. She did so timidly and only
after getting assurances from the guards standing outside that he wasn’t in a
meeting. But she did so nonetheless.
She
wasn’t quite clear on what she was going to say if he had a minute to spare,
much less longer than that. She just knew that she needed to see him. For her
own sanity’s sake, if nothing else.
Today
marks a special occasion: the hundredth post here on Muses
and Musings.
